The feeling of anger is not the same as the expression of anger

ad_anger_topics_lgThe feeling of anger is not the same as the expression of anger.  Everyone of us is going to feel angry from time to time.  When those feelings are more often than not, or when the feeling result in a behavior that harms ourselves, property or others – is when we must realize that learning to manage this feeling, understanding it and dealing with it is very important to our own peace and that of those around us.

Can you identify where you feel anger? What do your different body parts feel like when you are angry?  Do you feel it in your eyes, mouth, hand or arms, feet or legs?  Does your voice change, or does the way you posture yourself change?  Maybe you feel it in your stomach, chest, head or does it feel like your blood is boiling?

Being aware of the bodily changes that occur when we get angry can be helpful in the process of leading to better control and management.  Recognizing the rise of these feelings may help us to make a choice about our expression of the feelings that we are having.   The feeling of anger is just that a feeling – and there is nothing wrong with us having feelings, they belong to us.  However, the behavior or expression of those feelings can be very harmful.

Our expression may be explosive or it may be simmering. Can you identify the patterns that have developed in yourself or your children when they are having the feelings of anger?  One way of understanding our own expression is to ask those close to us what they see in us when we are angry?  How do others tell us how we look or sound when we are angry?
Understanding our feelings, where they are coming from, why or what we are fearful of,  are all beginning steps in anger management.  Remember, the feelings of anger is not the same as the expression of anger.  Feeling are our own – expression is a choice we are making.

Joe Van Deuren is an anger educator and is available to work with both children and adults in finding ways to manage anger.  Finding and creating peace in our lives and families is a key mission of his work.  Contact can be made through Balanced Life Skills.

Parent Coaching Series Looks At Anger Management In The Family

LOGO - BLS - large - HQIt has been 10 days since I last posted on this site. I have been busy teaching at AACC and at Freetown Elementary School. It simply amazes me the concern that parents, teachers and even children have on the feelings and expressions of anger. These feelings that we see expressed in explosive ways are most times a result of other emotions that are not understood either by ourselves and certainly not by others.

On December 10 and 11 Balanced Life Skills will be presenting a 30 minutes discussion on Anger Management in the Home. All adults are invited to attend. I thought it would be helpful to define “peace” to begin with and then give some helpful hints to attaining peace in the home. Can we do it all in 30 minutes? Of course not. But we will give some good solid suggestions to begin working on with the whole family.

In later announcements we will provide other curriculum, blog posts and opportunities to learn more. The Balanced Life Skills Way is one of peace, for ourselves, family, schools and community. I personally invite you to become one of the families in our school who value peace in our community.