While it is great to have others around us to push and encourage us to take on a task or a new skill, there are 4 stumbling blocks that can makes us feel less confident when those encouraging words are not around. They are (1) Fear, (2) Laziness, (3) Negative people, (4) Negative self talk.
Fear – The two fears that can sum up all others are fear of failure and fear of not being enough. It is this fear of failure that attacks many of us, thinking that we would be embarrassed in front of others, or that we may be laughed at, or we may be ‘perfectionist” and are afraid we will not be able to master the task quick enough. Finally there can be the fear of success also. With this fear we are concerned about the added responsibility that will come with our success.
How to overcome these fears will be discussed in detail at our upcoming Parent Coaching Series on Optimism. But ultimately our belief of the results of the task or what has or might happen affects our response.
Laziness – This seems to be such a harsh word, but sometimes we try to find the easy way out or get others to do for us. We have to be careful too, of asking others to do for us what we could do for ourselves. This can become a habit – even with children.
Overcome this habit is first to be aware and ask ourselves, could I do this on my own? If so step up and complete the task.
Negative people – Unknowingly and certainly not on purpose adults many times will tell children that they cannot do something that they are dreaming about. Imagine if a child had a dream of raising a large sum of money for a charitable cause and the adults around them told them, “that’s nice – but you can’t do that.” It starts a process of negative thinking in the child. When others tell us we cannot do something it affects the way we think about ourselves and abilities.
Surround yourself with those who ask more of yourself than you do.
Negative self talk – Sometimes we tell ourselves we cannot do something even before we try. reducing our own fear of failure is to know that everyone – even well intentioned and good people – make mistakes. Increased tolerance of our own mistakes, limitations and miscues will help us from putting ourselves down as not able to accomplish tasks.
Learn the A,B, C’s of Optimism (On March 12 at 5:30 the Parent Coaching Series will discuss this subject)
So what are some new tasks that you might be willing to try? Is there something that would make a big difference in your life that you have feared starting or you told yourself you could not do? Are you willing to talk to yourself in a different way and go for it?