Teaching our children and remembering ourselves to be free with complimenting others for a job well done is key to how others feel about us and our relationships. For some compliments come very easy. We are quick to recognize the good the other person is doing and pleased to recognized them for a job well done. For others though it comes slower and it is not as easy to give the compliment.
When our children learn to say ‘good job’ to other children they lessen the chance that they will be picked on by others. It is important though that the compliments that are given are genuine and not empty. This is an interesting thought when it come to what our children see us do as parents or teachers. If they see that we are constantly praising, giving praise and compliments when none are deserved they begin to learn a method of manipulation and hypocrisy. That really raises the question then about how to give constructive critique versus harmful critisism without hurting the feelings or self esteem of your child or friend.
Here is a simple formula that teachers and parents can use very effectively. It is called PCP. Praise, Correct, Praise. Simple but it can be difficult to remember to do. I know for myself I can be in a hurry to get the correction out and have to stop and think about the feelings of the other person, empathy, to be sure that I combine it with praise for what they are doing well. When praise bookends a correction it is much easier to take to heart. It is like putting the pill your dog needs between two pieces of cheese. 🙂 Doing so though is good manners.
One Reply to “Manners: compliments and critique”
This reminds me of the book Children Learn What They Live. I completely agree. Children should be taught to give praises wherever and whenever due. It doesn’t cost anything anyway. I notice that people who compliment other people are generally well-liked, as long as the praise is sincere.