How we think:  When we have a situation come up that is daunting, how many of us get to feeling that “we cannot do this”, or “oh this is a terrible situation”, or “this is too hard for me to do”.  When we start thinking like that we can very easily come up with all sorts of reasons why we cannot do the task.  That is how our brain works.  It looks through all of its files for proof for what we are thinking or feeling. 

Once we find one or more reasons that this task cannot be done by me, our body and mind shuts down and we make a decision not to do it or a decision not to even try.  We have convinced ourselves of these ‘facts’. 

The example I use with the students is riding a bicycle.

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Today we are going to talk about asking permission.  What does asking permission have to do with self control?  It starts at a very young age.  When a child wants a toy or crayons that someone else is using or has in their possession, the first thing that pops in their head is to grab it and take it for themselves.  Then as they get older they may use things that belong to their siblings or friends without asking.  As teens this may evolve into going out or to places without clearing it first with their parents.  As adults we may do things because we feel we have the right to do so (because we are adults).

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It is one thing to feel compassion for another person or situation and quite another to be demonstrate empathy.  I think we all can agree that we like to be listened to when we are speaking and even more important to be heard.  Most of the time we are not looking for someone to solve the problem for us - we want to know that someone understands and more important that they care.

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We tell a joke or say something that is funny.  One person laughs - another person does not.  We serve squash at dinner, one person likes it - another person does not.  We are at the ocean and we playfully splash water on our friends, one person laughs - the other person gets mad. 

What happened here?  Two people can feel differently about the same situation.  In fact what may be amusing to me on one day may aggravate me on another.  No matter the situation we must consider the personality and mood of a person when we are using our empathy.

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Can you make someone else smile, feel good, sad, angry, frustrated?  Most of us know that we have that power just by what we say or do.  In fact it is by our choice of words or actions that others many time are affected and can have very strong emotional reactions.

One action like a smile or hug may make someone happy, another action like leaving someone out may make them sad.  Now it is not always possible to make others happy with our actions, nor should we, but we should be aware of and in fact we may want to predict the affect on others prior to taking a certain course of action or making certain statements.

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Developing empathy is a major anger control tool because it is more diffiuclt to stay angry at people once you understand things from their point of view. The skill of empathy also involves increased sensitivity to how you yourself are coming across to others.

As we talk about the idea of open-mindedness we do not need to lose our convictions or preferences, but being open to new approaches or new way of doing things will help us to grow.  One way of doing this is to meet new people and be willing to listen to them and their story.

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